A friend once told me “This isn’t a practice life.” Those words have been repeated background noise in my life through various trials and tribulations since they were typed to me via LiveJournal decades ago. They became my motivator on the day I realized that if I did not make some serious changes to the way I was living, I would surely be dead in a decade.
I suppose it wasn’t a single event that became my life changing epiphany, though my father had recently suffered a stroke (two in fact.) Around that time, I found myself borrowing several blouses from a friend because none of my large sizes fit me anymore.
I let that sink in.
My descriptor, in what seems like a previous life, was always “that skinny girl.” Hell, I was so skinny, I didn’t have boobs until my second child was born! I was probably TOO skinny. But see, this change isn’t just about weight. Both men and women are beautiful and healthy in all shapes and sizes. But in my case, my weight was a big part of what was making ME unhealthy. I just didn’t recognize it.
Until I had no shirts to wear.
It didn’t sink in when I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia after a multitude of tests to determine why I had so many aches and pains.
It didn’t sink in when my checkup report said “obese.” If my doctor didn’t say anything, why did I care?
It didn’t sink in when I couldn’t wear heels anymore because my weight put too much of a strain on my knees and ankles. I chalked that up to being born with clubbed feet.
It didn’t sink in when I literally thought I was going to die while standing third row at an Iron Maiden concert with my seventeen year old son. I was in flats, but my feet still hurt so bad I started to hyperventilate.
It didn’t sink in when I woke up every hour, no matter what I did. I was eventually diagnosed with insomnia and they wrote me yet another prescription.
And it didn’t sink in when my knee dislocated again because my muscles are so atrophied due to lack of exercise and my knee just had enough of dealing with the excess weight.
But it sunk in when I couldn’t find a f#c%!ng shirt.